Leave
by The Amazing Soup
Summary: Shepard and company have defeated the Collectors with the team intact. The only question is, what now? Rated T to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: **Whoo! First mass effect Fanfic. Be gentle, plz, and this takes place almost immediately after the suicide mission. The plot's still hazy, and this is mostly going to be humor/non story relevant, so bear with me. :P Now on to the story! :D

Chapter 1: Bare Necessities

"Shepard, you can't turn your back on me! Think of everything Cerberus has done for you, you can't-"

"Joker, lose this channel." Commander Shepard cut off the Illusive Man. Hell, after what he had been through not an hour ago, he didn't care about what the Illusive Man had to say; he had beaten the odds, coming out with his whole team intact after assaulting the Collectors' home base. He was bruised, bleeding, and dead tired, but he was victorious. After destroying the base, much to the Illusive Man's disappointment, Commander John Shepard set to work severing all ties with Cerberus, even vowing to remove the logo on the damaged _Normandy_.

Shepard still stood in the briefing room, mulling over in his mind what he would do next. _Maybe I can finally get some shore leave, unlike last time-_ Shepard's thoughts screeched to a halt when he thought back to his fight against Saren, and his old crew; especially Ashley Williams. He wiped his face with his hand as his mind wandered back to their reunion on Horizon.

_What was wrong with me? It seemed like I just couldn't find the right words; Ash didn't trust me, even after all we'd been though. _The memory of her cold refusal to join his team still stung in his heart. It had been nearly two months since he had gotten her email. _At least she isn't as angry as I thought she was. _ Shepard thought to himself.

As he exited the briefing room and entered the CIC, it was clear what needed to be done. _This place is a mess! _Shepard mentally exclaimed. The galaxy map flickered in and out of focus, his private terminal was in two pieces; one floated listlessly in the sea of wires that made up the sides of the map, while the other appeared to be in the elevator. The Commander scrubbed his face with his hands, then turned on his intercom to the bridge.

"Joker; get us into the Citadel for repairs. If anyone needs me, I'll be in the med bay."

"Aye aye, captain." Came the pilot's zealous reply, the sweetness of victory evident in his voice.

As he arrived at the crew quarters, Shepard had to marvel at how inanely ineffective all the upgrades to the _Normandy _seemed to be. The place looked like a giant hurricane had hit it. One with teeth. As he made his way to the med bay to check up on his crew, Shepard encountered the ever-collected Thane and decided to chat.

"So, Thane, what did you think about how we handled the last mission?" Shepard questioned, his arms shifting to clasp behind his back, as was habit.

"Commander, do you really think I need to convey the degree of our victory? We did what no one believed we could, and returned unscathed. It has filled me with joy that I helped save human lives. I do wonder, though, how will you fund your operation against the Reapers? The Illusive Man was your driving force, and the Council hardly seems to care." Thane replied, his eye ridge quirking at the last sentence. Shepard let out an amused chuckle.

"Thane, do you know what the interest from two years is on nine million credits?" Shepard asked, a sly grin adorning his face. Thane merely blinked, issued a croaky "Shepard", then left for the life support room.

Shepard palmed his way into the medical bay to see Doctor Chakwas busily patching up the few wounded in the fight with the Collectors. Amongst them were Jacob, Miranda, Garrus, and Jack.

"Hey! Get your hands off of me. I don't need a fucking doctor!" Jack complained, yet still allowed Chakwas to apply bandages to her tattooed arm, burnt by a Collector particle beam.

"Hey, Shepard! Good to see you're still kickin'. I thought you might have bit the bullet when that platform got you." Jacob called as he hopped off the bed, his normal armored uniform replaced with a starched medical gown. He cringed in pain at the last few words, clutching his stomach. Doctor Chakwas verbally berated him for his actions.

"You shouldn't be up and about, Jacob. While you _did _get us back to the ship in one piece, you should know not to disobey the doctor. Now _sit._" Jacob shrugged sheepishly to Shepard, then laid back down onto the medical bed. Joker interrupted the conversation.

"We've just passed back through the Omega-4 Relay. ETA to the Citadel sixteen hours."

"Alright crew. We're headed to the Citadel to dock the _Normandy_ for repairs. That means we get some shore leave. Scratch that. Once the repairs are down, we are going on _vacation._" Shepard announced, lowering himself onto the side of one of the beds. He looked around at his crew. "Any requests?"

The five looked from one to the other, finally deciding that the Commander was actually serious.

"I say we spill some drinks on the Citadel, Commander. I think the crew deserves that much for now." Jacob piped up, pushing himself up on the medical bed with his arm, only to have Doctor Chakwas push him back down with an 'oomph'.

"That'll do for now. You all heard Joker. We'll be at the Citadel in sixteen hours, so rest up and meet at the Darkstar at 2300 standard." Shepard replied, leaving the med bay. As the doors closed behind him, he thought about what he had to do during the interim between their position and the Citadel. He rolled his shoulders as he walked towards the elevator, his cracked and battered hardsuit protesting loudly. He groaned as he realized his armor was still on.

_Maybe I can finally get this thing repaired along with the Normandy_, Shepard thought, looking down at the seared front of his armor, small chips missing, and red spotting his gauntlets.

Finally, he got to his quarters, the doors opening with a slight whoosh. He keyed open the door to his quarters proper, and his eyes widened. It looked like when the Occuli attacked, most of the damage had been done to his room. Fish lay scattered around the room, dead. His bed was in shambles, pieces spread across the room. All of his model ships had been broken free of their glass case by his terminal, and Spartacus the Warrior Hamster was nowhere to be found.

He heaved a long sigh and soaked all of this in. He finally opted to just remove and store his armor, then get some work done on his barely functioning terminal.

It was going to be a _long _sixteen hours.

**Author's Note: **So what did you think? I thought that would do for a little teaser chapter, and there will be hopefully more to come. Reviews are much appreciated, and any suggestions taken note of. Until next time, The Amazing Soup.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** Wow! I have to say, I'm astounded my stories had so many hits, but it's certainly a pleasant surprise! Also, thank to Kassandra Black for the input, and you will see about Spartacus. So, here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: Mass Effect 2 and its characters are property of Bioware/EA.

Chapter 2: Consensus Achieved

The sleek form of the _Normandy _whispered across the Serpent Nebula, its battle scars unidentifiable within the massive cloud of dust that made up the nebula. Soon, the sparkling form of the Citadel entered view, its five ward arm circling imperceptibly slowly. The _Normandy _flew gracefully into its berth, one of the few designated Spectre ship landing areas. Large metal arms slowly descended upon it, locking it into place as it halted to a stop.

Within the _Normandy_, all was quiet in the mess hall for Commander Shepard, one of the few people awake during the "night shift." This of course held no meaning in space, but some form of day cycle had to be in place for the crew to get enough rest.

The Commander sat silently in thought, his gaze unerringly set on the contents of one of the reusable mess cups, which held something close to coffee. He wasn't actually supposed to be awake, but who could sleep with his memories? Shepard recounted in his mind just how much his life had changed in the last ten years. He had gone from eager recruit to war hero and bearer of a Star of Terra, to Spectre, then Savior of the Galaxy, receiving a second Star of Terra, to dead. Then he was raised from the grave, recruited some of the most dangerous men and women in the galaxy, and finally destroyed the Collectors; and their little station, too. He shook his head in amazement. If he had known his career would have ended up like this, he might have thought twice about enlisting.

He took another swig of his coffee, then checked his omnitool for the time. The "day" shift wouldn't start for another two and a half hours, so the ship was left with a skeleton crew until then, the others in their bunks.

_I guess I can let them sleep. I have business with the Council anyway; might as well get that over with, then let the crew loose for their leave._ Shepard thought to himself, placing his now empty cup in one of the receptacles for used dishware. He moved towards the elevator for the thousandth time that day, and waited as it crept up the wounded _Normandy_. As the lift halted at the level for hi quarter, he stepped out into the small hallway. He opened the door, and looked again at his wrecked area, only slightly more organized by his terminal, with Spartacus the Warrior Hamster running happily in his auxiliary habitat; a small, transparent hamster ball.

Shepard moved towards his armor locker, and began to put on his secondary armor suit, the pieces less familiar. As he clasped each piece in place, he decided that wearing armor on the Citadel was actually a brilliant idea. It made it a lot easier to get other places, seeing as everyone avoided him like the plague.

As Shepard finished putting on his armor, he activated his omnitool, sending a message to Councilor Anderson, telling him that they'd meet in his office on the Presidium. Afterwards, he made his way back to the elevator, bound for the CIC.

Shepard stepped out of the elevator and purposely made his way to the bridge, passing the hall of monitors, stopping directly behind Joker.

"Joker, I'll need you to send out this message to the crew when the next shift begins. After that, you're on leave until the reconstruction crews finish patching up the _Normandy,_ Moreau." With that, the Commander exited the bridge and made his way into the airlock, waiting for the "interior pressure to equalize with exterior atmosphere", as EDI so cleverly put it. He quickly caught a rapid transit car, and was on his way to the Presidium.

MEMEMEMEMEME

"Trust me, Councilor. I know how you feel on this issue, but I must stress the _importance _of—Oh! Commander Shepard. We were just talking about you." Councilor Anderson had been in a meeting with the other councilors, when Shepard had entered his office, a serious look on his face.

"Perfect timing, Shepard. I finally convinced the rest of the Council that the Collectors have been behind the missing colonies. Thanks to you, Operations Chief Williams, and other witnesses on Horizon, the Council is finally willing to do something about the Collectors." Anderson said, gesturing to the holographic images of the turian, salarian, and asari councilors.

Shepard only pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. The Councilors clearly had their heads somewhere that the light didn't shine.

"Sir, I actually came here to discuss the Collector threat. I recently activated the Omega-4 Relay, sending me to the center of the galaxy, where I battled on and then destroyed the Collector home base, which contained a human Reaper, which was being created by melting down humans and processing their genetic material. Sir." Shepard said in one breath, the Councilors' faces paling with each word.

No one spoke for several minutes, while the Councilors looked bewilderedly at each other. Finally, the turian Councilor spoke.

"Commander Shepard, if you are correct about having totally obliterated this Collector station, congratulations are in order."

"Certainly. We expect a formal report, but I am glad you were able to accomplish this, as the Collectors were a threat to all species in the galaxy. Now, a pay rais-" The asari Councilor said, only to be interrupted by the Commander.

"Wait wait wait. You believe me?" Shepard asked, his countenance one of utter shock.

"Of course. We always trust the intel our operatives give us. I would think you'd know this by now." The salarian Councilor responded, crossing his arms. At the last comment by the salarian, Councilor Anderson smacked his forehead with his hand, eyes shut tightly.

"Oh. Well, that kinda kills the next nine tenths of my planned conversation." Shepard said brightly, a small grin on his face. "Oh, and Sir? You mentioned Chief Williams? Is she here, on the Citadel?" Shepard queried, turning his head towards Councilor Anderson, who had his hand habitually placed hovering over his mouth.

"Yes. I believe she's staying somewhere on the wards. Shepard?" Anderson turned back to the Commander, but caught only the closing door after him. He chuckled. The turian Councilor tsked.

"I thought there was some sort of regulation against human soldiers mating with each other." The turian Councilor said drily, looking at Anderson.

"Well, Councilor, Commander Shepard is technically no longer part of the Systems Alliance Military, so everyone is free game for him." Anderson retorted, smirking. The turian Councilor only flared his mandibles in distaste before disconnecting. As soon as the other Councilors disconnected, Anderson called for his secretary.

"Udina! I need you to prepare for a flood of complaints and requests! Shepard's back!"

MEMEMEMEMEME

As Shepard jogged quickly back down the corridor leading to Anderson's office, he accidentally collided with someone in the hall. An all-too-familiar voice cursed in surprise.

"Damn, watch where you're go—Shepard?" Ashley Williams asked, incredulous with eyes wide, as she picked herself up from the ground with Shepard's help. "I thought you were going on some type of suicide mission, that you wouldn't come back from." Ashley said, her eyes searching his for an answer.

"Yeah; it went a lot better than expected, I guess." Shepard said, rubbing his neck with a broad smile on his face. "Before you say anything else, I cut all ties with Cerberus, and I'm back to being regular-old-Shepard. I know how you feel about them, and I really don't want us to just stopping being… Us." Shepard said, a sad smile reaching up his face as he said the last phrase. He patiently watched for a reaction, and could practically hear her mind whirring inside her head.

"I-" Was all Shepard before Ashley quickly wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, the sweet smell of her hair wafting up to Shepard's nose. As she broke away, she took a step away.

"That was for coming back. And for breaking ties with those damn terrorists." She stepped closer again, and quick as lightning, she slapped him with a fury that hell hath not.

"And _that_ was for not telling me you were alive. And for almost dying a second time." With that, she embraced him warmly, and he wrapped his arms around her. "I missed you, you know." Ashley whispered, her voice barely audible.

"I know." Shepard replied into her ear, his voice equally quiet. They held each other for a long time, then let go, only to look at each other at arms length. Ashley quickly wiped away a single tear before she spoke next.

"I heard that you and Joker got some new duds. Want to show me around the ship?" Ashley asked, biting her lower lip.

"Hell yes." Shepard answered quickly. The two left the Presidium, their hands interlocked.

MEMEMEMEMEME

"Hey, EDI; why don't you wake them up with some Hendrix today?" Joker said, and evil smile on his face.

"Jeff, it I not proper to wake the crew with music, let alone as obnoxious music as _that._" EDI responded, her synthesized voice containing no emotion, yet it still carried _that tone_.

"Yeah, yeah. Just play it EDI. I know only a few of the crew even know who Jimi Hendrix is, but it's the Fourth of July, and I want to hear guitar played by teeth, damnit!" Joker exclaimed, his face taking on a crazed look as he mock beat his monitor like a child.

"Joker-Lieutenant. Data unavailable on "Jimi Hendrix". Cannot form consensus. We request information on said subject." Legion said monotonously, revealing his presence, making Joker jump out of his seat.

A few muffled curse and extranet link later, Legion now knew who Jimi Hendrix was.

"We understand now. Forming consensus." Legion said, his one red "eye" "blinking" as he processed the data, one faceplate quirked. Joker stared at his utterly still form, his own eyebrow quirked.

"Consensus achieved. We enjoy Jimi Hendrix." Legion said finally, then walked away, his vocal processor belting out 'Black Magic Woman'.

"Now there's something you don't see every day." Ashley aid from behind Joker, emerging from decontamination, much to Joker's surprise.

"Jesus Christ! Am I deaf or something? That's the second time someone has sneaked up on me, and I'm getting sick of- Wait a second… Chief?" Joker exclaimed then queried, and astounded look on his face. His chair turned, and he came face to face with Operations Chief Ashley Williams, a stern look on her face. Joker wilted under her gaze and feebly offered a welcome.

"Uh, hey, Chief. What's up?" Joker asked meekly, not meeting her eyes.

"Joker? How did you say Shepard died again?" She asked, casting the bait. The quick, clever mind of Jeff Moreau didn't bite however.

"He, uh, tried to save Adams down in engineering. Then he… Erm, he, uh, fell out of the cargo hold with the Mako." Joker said, his voice as firm and convincing as a swampy cardboard box.

"That's funny, because Shepard mentioned to me that he was up in the bridge trying to get you to leave the ship. Now, _theoretically, _if he was telling the truth, that would mean that you, by not leaving the bridge, caused his death." Ashley said menacingly, her mouth forming a small, white line.

"Uh, _theoretically_? Erm, yeah." Joker said, looking up into her eyes nervously, backing as far as he could into his chair.

"Oh. Then I guess we have nothing to worry about, because that's all _theoretical._ Right, Joker?" Ashley said, her tone as dangerously sweet as the smile on her face.

"Yeah, uh, right. I have, uh, stuff to do. At the cockpit. Yeah." Joker said, turning away from the wrathful Operations Chief as quickly as hi chair would allow.

"Jeff, there is nothing to be done that I am not already attending to." EDI said, her small blue form appearing on a side monitor. Joker made many stopping motions to her hologram, but to no avail as it continued talking.

"Miss Williams, welcome aboard the _Normandy._ I can assure you, I pose no danger to neither you nor the crew, as I am still bound to some of my programs; also, you are my shipmate."

"I have to say, Shepard; that thing is a lot creepier than you said it would be." Ashley said drily to Sheppard, who had finished packing his armor into the locker in decon.

"Yeah. I still haven't gotten used to "her" yet. She prefers to think of "herself" as female, by the way." Shepard said cheerily as he joined the merry group in the bridge. He and Ashley made their way down the hall, much to Joker's relief.

MEMEMEMEMEME

"Commander Shepard, you've received a new message at your private terminal. Also, there is a rather large, heavy package waiting for you in your private quarters. Grunt took it up there by request. It' from the Council." Kelly said happily as Shepard and Ashley walked to the elevator.

"Also creepy." Was all Ashley said as they made their way into the elevator.

"Yeah. "She" prefer to think of "herself" as female as well." Shepard said with a smirk. Ash only quirked her eyebrow at him.

**Author's Note: **Whoo! What did you think? I tried to make their reunion feel real, but I didn't want to spend a ton of time on it, so I tried for a happy mix. Also, I recently DLed the Aegis Pack for Mass Effect 2, and I have to say, I _really _like that armor. I wanted to incorporate it, and you'll just have to wait to see how! Mwahaha! :D Please review, I really like to know what readers think, if anything. Until next time, the Amazing Soup.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: **So I was playing Battlefield Bad Company 2 and it inspired the title and loosely the plot of this chapter… It's hard to explain. Also, last chapter, I didn't mean to offend any Kelly fans, I just thought it was a good way to wrap up the chapter. _ Also, in case you were wondering, my Shep is a Paragon Spacer War Hero Soldier. Now enjoy!

Disclaimer: Mass Effect 2 and its characters are property of Bioware/EA.

Chapter 3: RAMPAGE!

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention; the _Normandy_ I pretty trashed and I'm just waiting for the repair crews to show up." Shepard said levelly, looking straight forward. Ashley only gave him an indecipherable sidelong glance, and a silence settled over the two riding up the elevator.

"I still can't believe you _died_. It just doesn't seem real." Ashley said, breaking the thick silence. Shepard nodded, staring at the ground, mulling over what he would say next.

"I can hardly believe it myself. It's difficult to say the least, when you wake up two year after suffocating in the depths of space. Cerberus did a pretty good job, though. I still don't know how man I am now, rather than machine." Shepard said finally. Ashley looked into his eyes, and saw a faint red flash from his pupils.

"Well, there's only one way to tell." Ashley said slyly, a mischievous grin coming to her face. Shepard swallowed audibly. "And, since it's like you were born again, it would be your second de-flowering." Shepard gave her a smoldering look, then grimaced.

"Why won't this elevator go any faster? I thought Cerberus upgraded these!" Shepard exclaimed impatiently. Ashley sauntered closer, and whispered in his ear.

"Patience is a virtue, you know." She said, wrapping her arms around him.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Grunt was angry. Well, angrier. He was always angry, but right now he just wanted to crush someone's head between his hands. He stomped into the mess hall, picking up the entire soup bucket that Rupert had prepared, and slammed it down angrily on the table as he sat down. The two crewmen who had been conversing there quickly scattered, leaving their unfinished food behind. Grunt appropriated that as well, stuffing it in his mouth. As he sat there angrily, Jack appeared in the mess hall, apparently to grab food and subsequently sneak back to her hidey-hole. Grunt snorted in amusement; her scent indicated she was angry too.

"Why are _you _angry?" Grunt asked suddenly, crumbs frothing from his mouth like a grotesque fountain. Jack made her way to the table and sat across from him, slouched.

"Because of that goddamn quarian. I can't fucking sleep; she keeps rambling about Shepard. It's really disturbing. And fucking ANNOYING!" Jack yelled at the last part, a cerulean corona appearing around her fist as she slammed it on the table. "What about you? Didn't get enough to eat?" Jack asked snidely, indicating the immense amount of food he was consuming.

"No. After we killed all the Collectors, I haven't been able to fight. I need to fight. My scales are itching, and my blood is on fire. I want to smash something!" At the last remark, he tossed aside the gargantuan soup bucket aside like a plaything, almost hitting Garrus in the process. Garrus looked wide-eyed at the two of them, then made himself scarce, bolting for the elevator.

"You know what? I think I have an idea that would help us both." Jack said conspiratorially. As she whispered into the krogan's ear, an evil grin spread across his face.

"I like the way you think." Grunt said, eyeing the human across from him.

MEMEMEMEMEME

"Well, now that you've cleared away most of the debris, I guess we can… _Proceed._" Ashley purred at Shepard, who had cleared away most of his quarters' wreckage, the package that Kelly mentioned waiting patiently by the armor locker.

"I'd like that…" Shepard said as he walked up to her, his voice trailing away at the end of the sentence. He was less than a half-step from her now, and the two were looking deep into each others' eyes. Ashley closed the space between them, kissing him deeply. She continued to walk forward and he back until his legs bumped into the bed, which he fell onto with an 'oomph'. She leapt on top of him, straddling his thighs.

"Is that so?" She asked huskily into his ear.

"Shepard, your presence is requested on the crew deck." EDI said, absolutely shattering the mood.

"EDI, the ship better be on fire." Shepard said, sighing. Ashley got up and moved to his couch, pouting, which she sat down on. "Hold that thought." He said to her, sending her a wink.

"I advise you wear what is inside the package, Shepard." EDI continued, her omnipresent voice coming through his speakers.

"Why?" Shepard asked half-heartedly as he opened the large metal case. "Oh." Was all he said as he extricated pieces of what seemed to be extremely expensive armor. He started putting it on, much to Ashley's amusement.

"It's called "Kestrel Armor". Isn't that a type of bird?" Ashley queried, looking up from the instruction manual.

"Gah! I can't see anything!" Shepard yelled, bumping into a wall. Ashley only walked up, steadied him, and turned the switch into "on" position. Suddenly, a HUD appeared on the inside of Shepard's faceplate. "Oh. Thanks."

Shepard got into the elevator, listening to his comm link. Ashley heard a muffled exclamation as the door closed behind him. She sighed. This always happened. Right before she and Shepard would make love, something, or someone, would interrupt them. It had been that way since Illos, and it was ludicrously frustrating. It was great to have him back though. When he died, she thought her heart had been torn out. And then Horizon… She shook the thought out of her head, and stood up, beginning to inspect his room. He had a rather large fish tank hidden behind chunks of rubble, the broken aquarium full of the remnants of fish. She made her way to his desk, picking up the hamster ball with its singular occupant. The hamster emitted a small "meep", then turned away from her. She placed the ball back down and sat at his private terminal. She resolved to find out just how busy he had been, and began to read.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Shepard stopped by the armory to pick up his weapons, almost running into Jacob as the Cerberus operative was exiting.

"Whoa. What's with the armor, Shepard? Someone attacking the _Normandy_?" Jacob asked jokingly. He paled when the Commander only gave him a stern look.

"Suit up, Jacob, and grab some non-lethal ammo block, ASAP." Shepard ordered crisply, making his way to the weapon tables.

"Aye aye, sir. What's the matter?" Jacob questioned as he attached his armored shoulder gear.

"We have an _issue_ on the crew deck. You'll be my wingman for this." Shepard said as he set down his usual Revenant machinegun in favor of a Vindicator battle rifle. He quickly swapped the normal metal ammo block for a less-than-lethal rubber ammo block.

Jacob quickly picked up his usual Eviscerator shotgun, and followed Shepard out of the armory. They made their way into the elevator, no one speaking. As the doors opened for the crew deck, Jacob and Shepard took up cover positions on either side of the elevator. An evil, barking laugh could be heard as well as a higher-pitched cackling. Shepard peeked around the wall to see Grunt and Jack tearing up the mess hall with their weapons, clearly trying to hit a specific target. A small, synthesized squeak could be heard when they hit the counter above Tali's head.

Garrus appeared to be valiantly defending her, acting as a "human" shield by blocking their attacks with his body.

Shepard sighed, annoyed and aimed his rifle. He shot a three-round burst at the back of Jack's head, which caused her to fall to the ground, unconscious. He then looked at Grunt, then back at his rifle. The krogan was barking with deranged amusement, and frankly would not be taken down by rubber rounds. Shepard cursed under his breath, then switched his rubber ammo block for disruptor block. He then took aim, and fired three bursts at the krogan's back.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Grunt felt good. He was finally getting to fight something! It might have only been the quarian and turian, but it was still a fight. He had almost gotten her that last shot, and he planned on making the next one count. As he aimed his Claymore, he felt the sting of gunfire on his back, and a numbing charge went through him. He fell to the ground, unable to move. Shepard moved into his view, holding his rifle and shaking his head. He hauled the massive krogan into a seat at the mess table, putting him in an almost sitting position.

"I thought I told you to not try to kill teammates. Is it really that hard? We have our own sparring circle, for Christ's sake! If you want to fight, then just fist fight someone there. The room is only twenty feet away!" Shepard ranted, using liberal hand motions. He then shifted his attention to Garrus, who had his arms wrapped around the apparently weeping Tali. This was the third time this week that this had happened, and it was beginning to wear on the Commander.

"You know what? You're on mandatory leave for the next twenty four hours. Go explore the Citadel. Have some fun. Just don't get into too much trouble, and meet me at the Darkstar at 2300 hours. Got it?" He asked forcefully. Grunt just blinked one of his eyes.

"Good. And take Jack with you."

Jacob and Shepard made their way back to the elevator, and waited for it to crawl up the floors. Jacob got out at the CIC, while Shepard remained in the elevator as it climbed to his loft. He exited the elevator, and habit forced him to go to his armor locker and change back into normal wear. He then walked zombie-like over to what remained of his bed and collapsed.

"Tired? Still up for some down time, however odd that sounds?" Ashley asked tentatively, chuckling. Shepard nodded, and she made her way over to the bed and lay next to him. He rolled on the bed, positioning himself over her.

"Finally!" Ashley exclaimed breathlessly as Shepard began softly kissing her neck.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Kasumi walked casually back into the _Normandy, _though she doubted anyone saw her leave. Grunt and Jack had been arguing with a pair of bulky C-Sec officers on Zakera Ward, and everyone else was supposed to be on the ship. She stopped walking when she heard Joker laugh evilly.

"Finally! Looks like I'll get a show at last!" Joker exclaimed, watching his monitor intently. Kasumi silently padded over to where he was seated and looked over his shoulder.

"Jeff, the Commander should be allowed his privacy. I do not approve of your actions." EDI said, sounding eerily like Joker's mother.

"I would have to agree with EDI on this one, Joker. Although it is oddly fascinating…" Kasumi trailed off as she watched the security footage of Shepard's quarters. "Are you recording this?" She demanded, her hood masking her countenance.

"Maybe… And I also might be streaming it to every monitor on the _Normandy_ as well." Joker said as he turned his chair to face Kasumi. She only grinned and proceeded to walk down the hall of monitors, which were now being crowded around by the various crewmen.

Joker watched her leave intently, especially her toned behind.

"Hate to see her go, but love to watch her leave…" Joker muttered to himself, still watching Kasumi walk.

"Jeff, you must learn to control your impulses." EDI chided.

"Yeah? Well, I'm human. We can't control our impulses like you can." He said, harsher than he wanted to.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Jack waited impatiently in the Darkstar, her fifth Batarian Ale still having not arrived. Grunt was still drinking his ryncol, then slammed the glass down for the twelfth time. He belched loudly then pointed to the bartender, then to where his empty drink was. The human bartender scurried to get him more ryncol. Finally, Shepard, Ashley, Jacob, Miranda, Kasumi, Zaeed, Garrus, Tali, and Legion entered. They all sat around the same table as the other two of their group, and got the attention of a passing waitress.

"The best alcohol you've got, for any species, stat." Miranda told her, motioning to the table. The waitress nodded and left.

"So, Miranda, how do you feel about having left Cerberus? I know they were a big part of your life." Jacob asked her from his position next to her. She looked at him, her expressions blank.

"I trust in what Shepard is doing. He's done more for me than I can possibly thank him for, and I want to prove to him that I can be trusted." She said, her countenance taking on a noble expression.

"Oh." Jacob said, bitterness slipping into his voice. Ever since they had started this mission, Miranda had been crushing on Shepard like a teenage schoolgirl. It irked Jacob something fierce, as he was still trying to woo her.

"I upgraded your pistol, you know. Now it's as good as it can possibly be. I also painted it pink; I know it's your favorite color." Jacob said to her as the drinks arrived. Jacob grabbed randomly at one of the drinks now at the table, and ended up with a fruity asari beverage.

"Why thank you, Jacob. That was thoughtful." Miranda said to him sweetly, smiling.

"Well, I mean, it was nothing, really. Just a quick-" Miranda interrupted him, placing a finger on his lips. He blushed fiercely, his face burning.

"Now you're rambling." Miranda said frankly.

"Yeah, I tend to do that when I'm embarrassed, or nervous, or—Want to, erm, have a drink sometime? I know it's been a while since we were together, and Shepard-" Jacob began to ramble again, but Miranda silenced him for the second time. She mentally face-palmed at his suggestion, but indulged him nevertheless.

"Yes, Jacob, I'd love to have a drink sometime. Like right now. How does that sound?" Miranda asked, smirking.

"Great."

MEMEMEMEMEME

"And so then, Garrus pops out of nowhere, and scares him shitless! I can still remember the look on his face…" Shepard explained. It had been almost three hours since the group had entered Darkstar, and Legion was the only one who was clearly not inebriated. It pointed this out every ten minutes exactly.

"Shepard-Commander, consensus achieved. All team members are over three times the intoxication level set for their own species. We recommend you vacate immediately for treatment of alcohol poisoning." Legion warned. Shepard would have none of it.

"Shh, Legion. You're interrupting my story. Like I was saying-" Shepard continued, slightly slurring his words. The rest of the group was enthralled by his story, which was about times on the original _Normandy_, specifically when Garrus and Wrex played the ultimate prank on poor Kaiden Alenko.

"Miranda, have you ever had sunken drex?" Jacob asked, the alcohol horribly butchering his speech. Miranda just shook her head at him. He smiled dumbly, then took her by the hand and led her back to the _Normandy_.

**Author's Note: **Woohoo! Party hard, right? So I got to have some romance, some action, some humor, and a lot of drinking in this chapter. Also, just a little disclaimer; I won't have lemon fics nor all-out graphic chapters on here. I will only heavily imply that certain characters have sex. This is why there is a T rating. And alcohol use. Anyways! Review, please! I love hearing what you have to say! Until next time, The Amazing Soup.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** Wow, a lot of readers it seems like! Also, shout out to my reviewers. Thank so much for the input and comments; they really make my day. Now, without further ado…

Disclaimer: If I owned Mass Effect 2, I'd be a much richer man.

Chapter 4: The Hangover

Shepard awoke without opening his eyes. It wasn't unusual for him, that was just how he woke up. But today was different; when he did open his eyes, he groaned and immediately shut them. He slowly reached his hands up and massaged his temples. His head hurt like hell. He squinted through the blinding light and propped himself up on his elbows, trying to make out his surroundings. _How did I get here?_ He thought. Then it all came back to him. _The party last night… How much did I drink? _He mentally demanded of himself. He opened eyes just enough to let them adjust to the light, which meant not a lot; he was practically squinting.

A few minutes later he heard a sharp intake of breath and a similar groan to his own. His enhanced eyes finally adjusted to the light, and what he saw was rather odd.

Almost the entire group of champions was still in Darkstar, only the place looked fairly trashed. He was laying on one of the tables, his shirt nowhere to be found. The rest of the group lay similarly scattered, only slightly different. Garrus was on the bar, his eyepiece in one of the toppled glasses that littered the counter, snoring quietly with his arm dangling over the edge. Jack's tattooed arm could barely be seen from underneath a pile of odd-looking detritus. Mordin was slouched in a chair, one arm covering his eyes, the other twitching oddly on his stomach.

Grunt was clearly wherever the krogan-shaped hole in the wall led to, and none of the others were in sight, probably sleeping their hangover off in a corner that Shepard couldn't see. The Commander at up gingerly, trying to keep his headache in check. He suddenly had a lurching feeling in his gut, and he hastily stumbled into the restroom.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Samara was back on the _Normandy_, putting her biotics through their paces. She was fortunate to have Thane as a sparring partner; it made things a lot easier when the other was biotic, that way they wouldn't get hurt _too_ badly. She had just hit him with a powerful throw, but his barriers deflected it; he was good.

They subsequently chose to take a breather. Ever since he had reunited with his son on the Citadel, she had been his patient ear, quietly listening and offering counsel to him based on her many years of experience. The relationship had become almost symbiotic; each one was constantly with the other, discussing topics from religion and their line of work to mortality and the mind.

"As always, it has been wonderful sparring with you, siha." Thane said courteously in his croaky voice, slightly bowing to the asari. She nodded in return, her blues eyes flashing in the _Normandy_'s gym light.

"If you will excuse me, I must return to my meditations." Samara said to him, ignoring the title he had newly anointed her with. As she walked back to the observation deck she roomed in, she thought about the implications of what Thane had just said. She knew enough about drell through her many year to know that "siha" was a warrior-angel, and was typically a tilt given to lovers. She sat down and began to meditate. She liked it, she decided, and smiled wistfully.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Shepard and co. shambled into decontamination, everyone looking a little worse for the wear. Only Legion and Kasumi didn't look like the business end of a bad day, but that was because Legion couldn't drink alcohol, and Kasumi contented herself with a glass of wine, as well as one left on the opposite end of the table in honor of Keiji. The two had taken it upon themselves to get the rest of the crew back to the _Normandy_ safely and soberly, and they had.

"Shepard-Commander. We request data on "drunken behavior". What is a hangover?" Legion asked, hi face plates shifting, mimicking human eyebrows. Shepard looked back at the group of people behind him.

"This is a hangover, Legion. One helluva one, to be exact." Shepard said sarcastically.

"Consensus achieved. Hangover is an emotion. Thank you, Shepard-Commander. We do not feel emotions, but we understand how they affect you." Legion said cryptically, his red eyepiece flashing ominously.

"Ignoring that." Ashley said weakly from the next to Shepard, a dubious look on her face.

As the group entered the bridge, the Commander ventured towards where he knew Joker would be. As he neared the pilot's seat, only EDI responded. Her glowing orb popped up from one of the side panels, its blue light casting slight shadows on Shepard's astounded face.

"Wait. Where's Joker?" Shepard asked incredulously; Joker didn't leave his post. Ever. If he wasn't here, shit was about to go down hard.

"Jeff is on the Citadel, along with most of the crew, shopping."

"For what?" Shepard demanded, exasperated.

"I believe them to be shopping for various "recreational substances", as he put it. I believe that to mean alcoholic beverages, as well as illicit substances." EDI stated matter-of-factly, and Shepard could almost see a stern look on her projection.

"Right. Well, when he gets back, I'm taking suggestions for a vacation, and he'll have to get us there, so he better not be drunk." The Commander said drily before turning and walking down the bridge. He made his way to the galaxy map, where he paused to send out a message to the rest of the crew about where to go on vacation on his omnitool. The orange device beeped, alerting him that the message had been sent. He quickly typed a message to Chakwas as well, telling her to be aware of the drunken stupor that had taken hold of almost the entire ground team. With that, he made his way to the elevator, and padded in his quarters as a destination. It buzzed, and the elevator didn't move.

He blinked in annoyance and pressed the button again, only to receive the same response. Shepard scrubbed his face with his hands, then opened a comm link with Kelly.

"Kelly, why can't I go to my private quarters?" Shepard demanded gently, his tone stretched.

"The maintenance crews you scheduled for today are fixing the _Normandy_, silly." Kelly said facetiously, and Shepard could picture the hand wave that would have come along with that statement.

"Ah. I'm glad to see my lack of foresight has foiled my makeshift plans once again." Shepard responded mock cheerily, then closed the link. He subsequently sent the elevator to the crew deck, it occupant annoyed and tired. The doors opened, and he made his way to Miranda's office. He opened the door.

"Miranda, I- What the hell? Oh my god!" Shepard shouted, covering his eyes from the scene in Miranda's quarters. He rushed out of the room and locked it; apparently he was the only one with enough sense to do so. He sighed deeply, and made his way to the med bay.

He walked in, immediately noticing the dimmed light and the many occupants of the sickbeds, all in various degrees of disarray. He found an open bed, and eagerly plopped himself down on it, laying hi head on the small pillow, beginning to sleep off one of the biggest hangovers of his life.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Doctor Chakwas only chuckled as she looked up from her book to see Commander Shepard himself practically falling onto the bed with an audible sigh, his breathing quickly becoming slow and regular. She glanced back at her book. _Soldiers with piercing eyes and sensitive souls indeed._ She thought to herself as her thoughts centered on the Commander. God knows she had enough medical files on the man. He was practically more machine than man now, with his toughened skin, strengthened muscles and bones, and his augmented eyes and reflexes; no matter how cliché it sounded.

Hr gaze shifted back to her book, and she began reading its dusty pages once again. She was one of the few people who read actual books nowadays; most people just read them digitally on their monitors or omnitools. She wrapped herself up in the story once again, and let the crew sleep.

MEMEMEMEMEME

A few hours later, the ground team began to get up from their sickbeds to return to their posts. Shepard was the first to awaken. He stretched, stated a calm "Doctor" as he noticed Chakwas watching over them, then left for his own business. Last to leave was Garrus, who flared his mandibles before stalking out the door.

Garrus walked over to the mess hall, more specifically to the dextro-protein cabinet, where he retrieved a small wrapped snack which he took into the elevator with him. As the elevator trekked to the engineering deck, he mulled over what he was going to say. He had known Tali for a long time. They had been on Shepard's original team, and they had both been crushed by his death. Garrus had been one of Shepard's closest friends, a confidant, even, to the legendary man. Shepard had done so much for Tali, from helping her fend off thugs to getting her the information necessary to complete her pilgrimage.

When Garrus had gone to Omega on his quest to cleanse the galaxy, Tali was the person he had missed most. He at first thought it was the somewhat nerdy fascination with tech that they shared, but he came to realize it wasn't any one thing about her, but her being as a whole. And when he saw her come back to the _Normandy_, he was astounded by how much she had changed. He was afraid she'd be a totally different person, but she was still the same quarian he had met down in the back alley of the wards.

As the doors opened, he let out one last rattling breath, steeling himself. He would tell her how he felt, and how they could make it work, and—

"Oh. Hello, Garrus." Tali entered the elevator, moving next to him to access the elevator panel. Garrus froze, his eyes not leaving Tali. Didn't the humans have an expression about this? What was it…

"Speak of the devil…" Garrus said quietly. Tali turned to him, her expression unreadable behind her face mask.

"What was that?" Tali asked, taking in Garrus surprised countenance.

"Huh? Oh, I was just thinking out loud…" Garrus trailed off, still looking at Tali' faceplate. "Tali, I've been meaning to talk to you about something." Garrus said, nervously shifting his weight from foot to foot. She cocked her head to the side.

"What about, Garrus?" She asked innocently. Garrus's mandibles fidgeted as she spoke.

"Well, Tali, I just wanted to talk about, erm…" Just before Garrus could formulate a sentence, the elevator doors opened and Mordin stepped in.

"Tali-Zorrah, good to see you. Garrus as well. Need to ask; have been working on new immune-booster, was wondering if you could give it a try. Formula valuable to quarians. Need more data." Mordin said, speaking a mile a minute.

"Sure, Professor. Just let me know when a good time is, and I'll take it and hop out of my suit. You're sure it will work, right?" Tali asked skeptically. Contamination was a very serious happening, and was not to be taken lightly. The Professor nodded vigorously.

"Yes. Just need more data; live test. Have no other subjects, so figured I'd ask." Mordin responded, indicating the young quarian.

"Okay. I'll try it out. Where'd Garrus go?" The quarian asked; one moment Garrus had been in the elevator with them, and next he was nowhere to be found.

Garrus was actually embarrassedly clomping down the bridge, trying to hide the cowardice that was so intense that others could surely see it. He stepped into decontamination. He'd talk to Tali about this some other day, preferably when he had more courage.

**Author's Note:** So what did you think? Good, bad, yes, no, maybe so? Leave a review and let me know! Your reviews are what help me churn out new chapters.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: **Wow! I am definitely pleased with the number of hits this is getting, so I thought I'd throw in a subsequent thank you-chapter. Also, sorry for the cut-off ending of that last chapter, but I finished writing that at 1 AM my time, so I was tired. Now, enough rambling! On with the story! :D

Disclaimer: This fic makes me no money, and I wouldn't dare take advantage of Bioware.

Chapter 5: Guess

"So Joker, I hear you have a crush on the Master Thief hmmmm?" Kelly whispered to him, waggling her eyebrows. Joker rolled his eyes at her. He would have stalked away back to the pilot's chair, but he was currently going "shopping" with the crew of the SR-2. They were walking back to the _Normandy_ from th Wards, where they had picked up their "groceries".

"So Kelly, I hear you have a crush on every living thing in the _Normandy_ hmmm?" Joker said mordantly. Kelly looked taken aback and almost dropped the veritable shipping crate full of "foodstuffs" she was carrying. The Lieutenant smiled evilly at her reaction.

"So I got a few new recipes I want to try out. Which do you think? Homemade chili with Tuchanka Sauce or Varren steak with chitin seasoning?" Gardner asked, indicating the only actual groceries in the group, which he was carrying. Joker blanched at both options.

"I think I'll just stick to my military-grade rations, thanks." He said, trying to hide a grimace. Gardner and Kelly both sorted, annoyed at what the pilot had said to each of them. They finally reached the _Normandy_'s berth and briskly made their way to decontamination. The three, along with Hawthorne and Hadley, made their way back into the ship, each carrying their own large boxes of goodies. Once they got inside, they immediately split up, Joker heading towards the cockpit, Gardner towards the mess hall, Kelly towards her station by the Galaxy Map, and the other two crewmen to the Crew Quarters.

As Joker sat down in the Pilot's Chair, he heard a barely audible shuffling behind him. He turned the chair around to come face to face with Kasumi, standing in her altered red outfit with her left hand on her hip. Joker grasped his chest; that thief would be the death of him! Every time she wanted to talk to him, she just _had _to sneak up on him and surprise him. It was probably second nature. Her eyes glinted under her hood, and Joker realized he had been quiet for several moments.

"Uh, hey Kasumi. What brings you up here?" Joker asked awkwardly, unsure of what to do with his hands.

"Oh, I don't know. I was just going for a walk. Now what's this?" She asked, pulling a cylindrical bottle from behind her back, inspecting it closely. Only then did Joker realize it was the bottle that had been in his own goodie-bag. He blinked several times in surprise.

"How do you do that?" He asked, indicating the pinched bottle.

"Just practice, I guess. Now what would you, the pilot, be doing with contraband?" Kasumi asked, looking from the bottle she held in her right hand to Joker, smiling slightly.

"Oh, um, the Commander has us, er, going on vacation. I think. Ask him."

"I thought I told you to send out that message. Joker?" Shepard said skeptically, assuming his "command posture" with his arms crossed in front of his chest, his weight shifting to one side. Joker looked at him, then did a double take.

"Why is it that everyone can sneak up on me, but if I try, I break a bone?" Joker asked of no one in particular, exasperated. EDI chose that moment to pop up unexpectedly from the Pilot's station.

"Because they are trained operatives, Jeff. The Commander was an N7 before he was a Spectre, meaning that he'd have to be trained in espionage, counterintelligence, and keeping his operations under wraps. Miss Goto _is _the greatest known thief in the galaxy." Joker jumped at her voice, this third surprise sending him over the edge.

"Godammit! And what are you, a ninja-trained AI?" Joker demanded, flailing his arms in exasperation, hitting his hand on the control panel with a crunch. He groaned in pain, and the others collectively facepalmed, with Shepard radioing Chakwas.

"Hey doc, it's Shepard. Joker just broke his hand on the control panel again. Yes, I know what you told him. Yes. No. Alright, I'll send him down." Shepard said, disengaging his radio. "Alright, Joker; head to Chakwas. Kasumi, why don't you make sure he doesn't hurt himself any more than he already has." Shepard added to the pair, winking at Kasumi, who smiled back, then took Joker by the arm and practically dragged him to the elevator.

"But I don't wanna go!" Joker yelled, his voice trailing off as Kasumi grappled him into the elevator.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Jacob woke up with one hell of a headache. He propped himself up on his elbows, rubbing his eyes, trying to catch his bearings. He blinked in the light, confused. This didn't look like the crew quarters… And the bed was a lot softer than he remembered. Wait. His eyes darted around the room, absorbing all the details. It all rushed back to him. He smiled in his goofy way, looking down at the sleeping Miranda next to him.

"Ah, the priiiize…" He murmured, stroking her exposed shoulder. He silently got out of the bed and found his Cerberus jumpsuit. He hastily donned it, making sure it fit just right. He heard a sleepy sigh come from the bed where Miranda lay, and he noticed her sitting up, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Implants? Yeah, I imagine that they'd be a little fried, after what we did." Jacob said to her referring to the—

"Yes. Well, I should probably see Doctor Chakwas now, considering drinking and my implants don't mix too well." Miranda said, her accent even distorting her yawn. It was cute, Jacob thought.

"I'll go get us some grub, then." Jacob said, going back into business mode. He faltered slightly when he turned around, then stopped. He turned back around, walked up to Miranda, and kissed her. "Good morning." He said softly. She smiled at him, and he smiled back. The intercom cut through their discussion, with Shepard speaking.

"_Well, crew, we kicked the Collectors' collective ass." _He paused to snicker slightly. _"So I think we deserve a vacation. Several of the crew have already gathered supplies, and the repair crews are scheduled to be done in four hours. All we need is a destination, and then we'll kick it."_ He paused for a moment. "_Miss Williams to the principal's office please." _The intercom shut off, and the pair looked at each other, their expressions blank. This was very un-Shepard-like. Jacob shrugged, then made his way into the mess hall.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Shepard walked up to his private terminal in the CIC, awaiting Kelly's infallible comment about his messages.

"Commander, you've received twenty seven new messages at your private terminal." She said without looking up from her typing. Shepard moved to his private terminal, then looked back at Kelly. She was still typing.

"What are you typing? Every time I see you, you're typing. And somehow I doubt that the crew has that many psych evaluations." Shepard questioned, indicating Kelly's terminal, where she was typing away.

"What? Oh, erm, I was, uh…" Kelly stuttered, jumping away from her private terminal. The opportunity arisen, the Commander sneaked a peek. He had to say, what he saw was certainly interesting. He raised his eyebrows as he stepped back from the terminal, looking at Kelly, who was blushing fiercely.

"I'm sorry, Kelly. I had no idea you were so passionate about romantic fiction." Shepard stated, indicating what she had been typing. It had been hundreds of thousands of words of erotic fiction, centering on the crew of the SR-2.

To Shepard, some people's idiosyncrasies didn't match their personality at all. But this one, Shepard could have guessed.

**Author's Note: **Sorry about the short chapter, but I want to have some substance to work with for the next chapter. Also, this isn't really meant to be a full chapter, just a little reward for all the hits the story got yesterday. Also(!) review! It make my day a whole lot better. :D Until next time, The Amazing Soup.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: **My dear readers I am obscenely sorry! This academic year is already overwhelming me, and I just barely managed to scrape this together. It has certainly been a long time, folks, and if no one's left reading this, I don't blame 'em, but for anyone reading this, Leave is back and kickin'! (Meaning a chapter.) So, without further ado…

Just kidding. Bioware owns Mass Effect, EA owns Bioware, yada yada…

Chapter 6:

Ashley was already in the elevator when it arrived at the CIC with Shepard waiting at the door. He had been checking his messages on his omnitool, but looked up and smiled at her. He smiled back as he stepped into the elevator. She quirked an eyebrow as the newly fixed lift brought them to the Commander's loft. They strolled into his quarters.

"So Ash, I wanted to talk." Shepard said simply, sitting down opposite her at the table in his quarters.

"I did too. _Do _want to." She replied, slightly shifting position in her seat. She wrought her hands in her lap and a muscle worked in Shepard's jaw.

"I'm not very good at this." They both said at the same time, then abruptly stopped. Ashley continued.

"What I mean to say is that I want to talk about us. And what happened. To you and to me. But apparently neither of us are very good at this touchy feely stuff and we should just…" She trailed off, unsure of how to continue.

"Take it in stride." Shepard finished for her. He looked into her eyes, blue to brown, and made a motion that he would say something.

"First I just wanted to tell you what really happened to me. You settled for a half-truth, and I appreciate that, but you deserve to know the truth." He paused, looking for a reaction. She only waited for him to continue. So he did.

"When I say I died, I mean it. My heart stopped and I stopped being alive, only to wake up after what felt like seconds in a Cerberus lab. I suffocated in space, and crashed into a planet's surface. Almost all of my skin was burnt beyond recovery or destroyed. What you see is an artificial skin that they substituted. For a long time I had scars where the substance hadn't come together yet. I died, Ash. I didn't just defect or go under the radar, and I want you to know that, because if I had been alive, there's no way I would have kept you in the dark." He stopped to let what he said sink in, his voice tender at the end. Ashley just sat, absorbing what he had told her.

"I'm sorry. I had no idea…" She began, looking at the ground. Shepard lifted her face up at the chin.

"No. It's not your fault. How could you have known? Anyway, it's behind us. And we should talk about us too." Shepard added, his voice quiet, gentle.

"Yes. You're… Special to me, Shepard. I loved you, back before you… Died. I think I love you now, too. Gosh, I really am terrible at this." She added jokingly, lightening the mood.

"I don't think I could have said it better. You're special, Ash, and I love you."

MEMEMEMEMEME

Garrus sat moodily in the forward battery, tapping his talon repeatedly on the console, his thoughts far away from the _Normandy_'s massive main gun. He brooded on his cowardly self, Tali's magnificence, and the horrible nature of timing. Shepard's voice came over the intercom, breaking up Garrus' less-than-cheery thoughts.

"_Well, crew, you decided, and it looks like by popular demand we're going to Virmire for our vacation. While I have memories there, good and bad, I am putting them aside for you. The repair crews are now gone, and we will be on our way shortly. ETA 46 hours. That is all."_

Garrus flared his mandibles. They were finally leaving, but they were going to Virmire. Sure, he could understand the appeal of the beaches, sunny climate, and harmless fauna, but it was _Virmire_. Maybe the Cerberus parts of the crew didn't understand what Shepard's ground team had gone through down there. No matter. He would continue to brood. He liked that word. It suited him well. He would do that some more, then he would see what Tali was doing.

Garrus resumed his "brooding" pose, when he would hunch slightly over his console with his mandibles almost covering his mouth. After several minutes, Garrus had had enough of brooding. He ventured out into the mess hall to be met with several of the crewmen grabbing bottles and containers out of a large grocery box. The turian prepared to pass them by, but decided on investigating at the last minute.

"What are you doing?" He asked the nearest crewman, who clutched a large cylindrical bottle in his hands. Garrus' voice still held the demanding tone from his time in C-Sec, though he tried as hard as he could to develop a more relaxed tone.

"Oh. Just getting ready for Virmire. I can't wait, you know? The beaches, the sun, leave, Auburne's ass. You know." His voice lowered towards the end, and he gave Garrus a knowing smile, but the turian's expression didn't change.

"So assume this is alcohol?" Garrus asked awkwardly.

"Erm… Yes. I think Kelly got you some. You might want to ask her." The crewman responded just as awkwardly. "So…"

"Garrus! I was just looking for you." Tali interrupted the crewman, much to both his and Garrus' relief. Garrus had never been very good at communicating with humans. Their faces were just too… Soft. They seemed to be constantly mocking his face plates.

"Oh, hello Tali. What do you need?" Garrus asked, stepping past the crewmen and the table to where Tali was standing near the elevator.

"Well, I heard the Commander roughed up the Hammerhead pretty bad the last time he used it. I was going to repair it, but I know how you liked fixing the MAKO, and…. Do you want to help me fix the Hammerhead?" Tali asked him directly after babbling slightly. Garrus thought she was cute when she babbled.

"Sure thing, Tali." Garrus said eagerly, bumping past the relieved crewman, who busied himself with moving his alcoholic goodies.

As Tali and Garrus walked into the elevator, an unsettling silence fell. One would look at the other, but when caught would immediately look away awkwardly. Finally, Garrus broke the silence.

"So Tali, there's been something I've been wanting to talk to you about." Tali looked over to him, her expression hidden by her tinted façade. Garrus swallowed audibly under her (assumed) unerring gaze.

"Well, we've been friends for a long time, and I think we're, erm, pretty close-" He stuttered, making a variety of awkward hand motions, first rubbing his neck, then rubbing his talons together, before squirming slightly.

Just then the elevator doors opened. Tali stepped out, and turned to Garrus.

"Would you like to continue this conversation in the Hammerhead? The dashboard's fried and the controls aren't calibrated." Tali suggested with a slight giggle in her voice.

Garrus nodded nervously, before following her to the scout vehicle. They stepped inside, and Garrus and Tali began their work to restore the Hammerhead.

MEMEMEMEMEME

"I already told you. You humans are too squishy to fight. Go battle one of your own, pup." Grunt growled at Jacob. The human shifted his weight to his side, and crossed his arms, his eyes narrowing.

"Pup? I don't know if you're math's that good, but I'm at _least _twenty years older than you." Replied Jacob, his tone frosty. "Now fight me. I got some frustration, and you're the biggest target. I also want to relieve this stress before I party, or else it hurts the mood. And if you don't fight me, then I'll just go tell your little friend Jack that you're to afraid to fight me." Jacob finished, leaving Grunt gaping.

"You… You wouldn't." Grunt replied nervously, staring intently at Jacob.

"Oh really. We're on engineering right now. Hey, JAAA-"

"No! Fine, I'll fight you, human. But don't expect any mercy from me, especially because of your filthy threats." Grunt snarled, walking past Jacob into the engineering corridor. Jacob smiled evilly and cracked his knuckles menacingly.

"Oh hell yeah, I have some _serious _stress to work out."

MEMEMEMEMEME

Jacob walked into the sparring room, his normal Cerberus uniform gone, replaced with a tight-fitting white tank-top and biking shorts. He walked with the familiar swagger of a man confident in his abilities, and Grunt took notice of this from where he sat on his bench. He "humphed" and got off his seat, his armor gone, replaced by traditional krogan clothing bought from Tuchanka by Shepard.

"Well, human, let's see what you have." Grunt growled insolently.

"Oh, you're gonna see it all right." Jacob said tersely, tensing his arm muscles, the blue corona of biotics erupting around it. Grunt just smiled.

"This is going to be good."

MEMEMEMEMEME

"Lieutenant, this is preposterous. How many times have I told you to not flail, for this _very _reason?" Dr. Chakwas demanded of Joker. Kasumi had melted into the shadows of the med lab upon arrival, and her eyes were glinting with a smile from her dark roost.

"Yeah, sorry, Doc. But why does everyone have to sneak up on me? Let me tell you, it can get really awkward sometimes." Joker said drily. Chakwas eyed him with contempt.

"These "awkward instances" might not happen if you were not constantly distracted by the nude women on your terminal, Joker." Kasumi chimed in, and Joker flushed a furious red.

"Now, see here- It's not, I mean-" Joker stuttered for a few moments before Kasumi silenced him with a pleasant laugh.

"I was only kidding, Joker. But what your reaction certainly is… Thought-provoking." The thief snickered. Joker grew a more intense beet color, much to the two women's amusement.

Suddenly, a massive tremor shook the _Normandy_, sending Chakwas tumbling onto an adjacent sickbed as Joker careened into the AI Core entrance, with Kasumi only stumbling slightly, catching her balance.

"What was that?" Kasumi asked, alarmed. Joker let out a pained groan from his ridiculous position at the door. Doctor Chakwas quickly collected herself, and helped Joker back onto the sickbed.

"I have no idea, but I hope Shepard's handling it." Chakwas responded, checking the whimpering Joker for breaks.

MEMEMEMEMEME

"HAHAHA! That was a good one! I like you, human!" Grunt roared in excitement, after dislodging himself from the wall. Jacob smirked proudly, his barrier enveloping him. Grunt took the initiative and charged, catching Jacob around his midsection. He proceeded to slam him into the ground, shaking the ship again.

"Heh, you should watch your weight, Krogan." Jacob taunted as he twisted out of Grunt's grasp and onto his feet. It took a few moments for the insult to register for the Krogan, as he barely understood human ways as it was.

"Sit down!" Grunt yelled in anticipation, head-butting Jacob, sending the human to the floor. He quickly stood up and cracked his neck, however.

"You're gonna have to do better than that if you want to get past my barrier." Jacob retorted, slamming his shoulder into the massive krogan.

"Now don't think you two can start a fight without me." Jack said from the door. Jacob and Grunt looked at each other, then at Jack, and smiled at one another. Jack smirked pointedly, and her biotic corona flared.

"Bring it on, boys."

MEMEMEMEMEME

"This is just not our day, I guess." Shepard said jokingly, helping Ashley up from the ground. That last tremor was massive, and if Joker stumbled into an asteroid belt one more time—

"_Mordin to Shepard. Presence needed on crew deck. Situation… Drastic."_ Shepard heard Mordin over his radio, and sighed.

"I have to go sort those nutcases out. Dinner sound good? It's not Rupert's slop, either." Shepard asked Ashley quickly.

"Sure. Sounds good. Does this normally happen so much? With the tremors and the infighting?" Ashley asked totally calmly.

"It's always Tuesdays."

**Author's Note: **Once again, I am so sorry about the obscene amount of time in between updates, but unfortunately my update schedule will be sparse at best in these coming months, as I have a much harder academic year, another story going, and more plans on the backburner. Don't forget to review/send me a Personal Message with suggestions or opinions! They make me write faster. :P Until next time, The Amazing Soup.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note:** Well, I'm back with another chapter, inspired by the song _Everybody Needs A Ninja _by Matthew Ebel. Also, I have a very important, story pertinent question! I recently played Lair of the Shadowbroker and was wondering if you all wanted me to include it. Send me a personal message or review on if you want to see it! :D Also, I'm sorry about the lack of updating, but my schedule is even tighter than I thought, but I'll work through it for you, my readers! Enough drabble.

Mass Effect and its characters are owned by Bioware/EA.

Chapter 7: Everybody Needs a Ninja

Zaeed shook his head in frustration as he leaned back in his posh SLC-Leather chair. Life was good. After the attack on the Collector base, the mercenary had decided to stay with Shepard and his team; if nothing else, it was damn amusing. Just like right now. Almost the entire team was duking it out in the sparring chamber. Even Shepard was trying unsuccessfully to stop Grunt from kicking Miranda's ass.

"God'amn incredible." Zaeed muttered to himself, watching the live security feed. He got the chance to upgrade it to the highest definition money could buy on the Citadel—Cerberus payed damn well. He took a sip of his Batarian ale and leaned farther back in his chair. He stared into the ceiling of his small quarters, when two large, black eyes looked back down at him.

"Jesus H. Chroist!" He exclaimed in surprise, surging forward and knocking over his Batarian ale. Thane merely blinked rapidly several times as he usually did. "Whot do you wont?" Zaeed asked the amphibian stalker, eying him suspiciously.

"Shepard requests your aid in the sparring chamber." The drell said simply.

"I've seen that bloody gang-bang goin' on up there, and I'll have none of it." Zaeed said with finality, crossing his arms and sticking his chin up.

"So be it."

MEMEMEMEMEME

"C'mon! I am—UNGH—Sick of this! ERMPH!" Shepard shouted disjointedly at his team, who were in the process of beating the shit out of each other. Shepard himself had a stranglehold on Jacob and Garrus pinned under his boot, but Jack, Grunt, Miranda, and Mordin were still battling, along with Samara, who was trying to restrain all three. Zaeed walked in casually, whistling slightly. He walked past the fight, dodging fists, several biotic attacks and a tech mine.

"Alrighty, frog-man. You're turn." Zaeed said to no one in particular, giving Thane the cue they had agreed on.

Suddenly, Thane appeared from nowhere, dropping from the ceiling, pinching a nerve in Jack's neck. The effect was immediate, as she fell to the floor, unconscious. He swept through the room, disabling or incapacitating everyone but Zaeed, who sat on the floor in a corner, near one of the weight benches of the adjacent weight room.

When Thane stopped moving, Grunt and Jack were slumped near the walls, snoring quietly. Shepard lay supine, squirming underneath Garrus, Jacob, Miranda, and Mordin, who were out cold. Samara had been laid to rest on one of the benches, one arm laying across her stomach.

"Giff… Diff.. Fing.. FFF UHF MUH!" Came Shepard's muffled voice from underneath Jacob's armpit. His cries went unanswered as Zaeed exited, Thane following with Samara asleep in his arms, bridal-style.

"If I didn't know ya bettuh, I's say you ad a soft spot for her." Zaeed remarked snarkly, just before Thane sent him to the ground, unconscious before he hit the ground.

MEMEMEMEMEME

"I think that was one of the scariest things I have ever seen." Joker remarked, aghast at what he had just witnessed on his omnitool. He looked back over his shoulder at Doc Chakwas, Kasumi, and Legion, who were all crowded around his bed in the medical bay.

"Hmph. Even I could get a few pointers from him." Kasumi admitted, impressed. Joker frowned. Why was half of Shepard's team composed of ninjas?

"I'm glad to see the Commander's accelerated response implants are functioning fully." Doctor Chakwas said clinically, her accent masking any emotion therein. "There' no way he would have recovered from unconsciousness that quickly without them."

"Joker-Lieutenant; input necessary. What are ninjas?" Legion asked Joker, who looked away awkwardly. He never liked geth, especially ones that spoke and asked about ninjas. Fortunately, EDI picked up the slack.

"I can provide a large database on the topic of ninjas, Legion. Connection required." EDI said in her synthesized way. Legion merely held his hand over EDI's med-bay terminal for a few seconds.

"Consensus achieved. Thank you, EDI."

"It was my pleasure, Legion."

"Yeah…" Joker said awkwardly, an odd look on his face.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Ashley took another swing at the bag, pounding combo after combo into its thick mass. Sweat dripped from her body, and her breathing was heavy. She kept at it, unleashing unholy fury on the atrocious bag. She wasn't mad at the bag, though.

_Where the hell is Shepard? He said he'd be back in a few minutes, and it's been three hours! Damn that man!_ Ashley pictured Shepard's face on the bag, smacking it several times. She took a step back and caught her breath, reaching for her water bottle. Her hair was still in its usual bun; no sense in letting it loose _now._ While she drank the water down, she heard muffled cries emanating from the sparring room.

"What the hell?" She asked herself, looking around the weight room as she took the steps to the next. When she came in, she saw Garrus, Jacob, Mordin, and Miranda all lying in a heap, with weapons scattered across the room and several pieces of wall on the floor.

The cry was coming from underneath the pile, accompanied by a hand sticking out from the pile, flailing rapidly. Ashley cautiously stepped over to the pile, moving aside the humans and Garrus. Underneath them was Shepard, who sat up immediately, gasping for breath. Ashley jumped back in shock. Their eyes met.

"Oh… Hey… Sorry about that… Got a little trapped." The Commander said earnestly, taking the hand Ashley offered him. "Thanks for finding me. My suits air ran out about ten minute ago." Shepard said casually, brushing himself off.

"Ten minutes?" How are you alive, Shepard?" Ashley questioned incredulously, hands at her hips.

"I guess you can thank Cerberus for that. I can go without air for about an hour if I am inactive enough. So how about that dinner?" Shepard explained, taking off his helmet. Ashley maintained her gaze, letting the cooler air of the new room dry the sweat on her burning countenance.

"You were down here for three hours." Ashley stated pointedly.

"Yes." Shepard answered back, trying to read her emotions as he normally did so well. She was the only woman he had ever known able to baffle him completely.

"Well…" She said seductively as she sauntered up to him. She moved her face close, so close to his, a smile on her face. The hand came out of nowhere at lightning speed, its biting trail colliding across Shepard's countenance.

"You could have died! Again! Damn it, Shepard! Why do you keep doing this to me?" Ashley pleaded, looking up at him. Shepard sighed defeatedly.

"It's my job, Ash. It's also part of who I am. I'm a problem solver; even the smallest things are worth doing if they mean something." Shepard said earnestly, revealing the softer side of the legend that was rarely seen. "And I have to say, you have a _mean_ right hook." He continued, rubbing his jaw with a wide smile on his face. Then they both laughed.

"I love you." Shepard said softly.

"I know." Ashley replied just as tenderly.

MEMEMEMEMEME

"_Alright, kiddies, daddy's back and we're almost there!"_ Joker's voice emanated from the comm throughout the ship, his sharp wit seeping through the speakers.

Garrus stirred, his eyes fluttering open. _Where am I? How did I get in—Oh._ Garrus' memory kicked back into gear with Joker's sarcastic voice just white noise in the background. The turian collected himself, extricating himself from the others on the ground. _Oh no! I was going to go with Tali to fix the Hammerhead! _

He looked to and fro frantically for any sign of the quarian, and it dawned on him to check the time. The glow of his omnitool played across his features, and saw to his horror that it was almost four hours after he tried to stop the fight in the sparring room.

All that could be seen of him was his foot as he sprinted around the corner into the mess hall.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Tali rubbed her visor with her forearm, smearing the grease that she tried to get off of it. She frowned, frustrated at it, though no one would be able to tell because of the same visor. Where did Garrus go anyway? He had been right next her in the elevator as the doors opened, but stayed when he got an alert from Mordin. Tali worked with the wires of a gutted panel as she pondered.

"I'm sorry Tali, I was delayed by a… Qualm in the sparring room." Garrus said awkwardly, shifting his weight from foot to foot before practically jumping into one of the Hammerhead's panels, busying himself with his work. After several minutes of grueling silence, Garrus spoke up again.

"So Tali, I had wanted to, uh, say… Something. Earlier. In the mess hall." Garrus stated over his shoulder as he mended wires with his tools.

"And that would be…?" Tali asked jokingly, and giggled inwardly at her friend's awkwardness.

"Well, I was just going to say that we've been friends for a long time, and-" He started, but Tali fixed him with a "look" that he recognized as impatience.

"." Garrus said hurriedly, but what he tried to say came out garbled and barely intelligible. He cursed himself inwardly. No emotion could be shown through Tali's faceplate, but if Garrus could have seen through it, he would have known that she was smiling.

"Of course, Garrus. That sounds wonderful." Tali commented, trying not to audibly chuckle at Garrus' countenance. His mandibles were spread out like wings and the entirety of his scales seemed to have parted.

"OhgoodI'." Garrus excused himself and began walking towards the elevator, looking over his shoulder at the quarian. That is, until he collided with the door of the elevator. He mumbled something along the lines of "I'm okay" before stumbling into the lift.

_What a strange man._ Tali thought to herself, laughing softly into the cargo bay before resuming her work. After all, that's what they had gone down there to do.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Joker was back in the cockpit, with Kasumi his playful shadow, constantly bickering with him about nothing in particular.

"But it's yellow. All the other displays are orange. Something must be wrong with it." Kasumi said obstinately. Joker gave her his "Are you serious?" look, then turned back to the controls. They were about to enter the relay and his concentration shouldn't be broken, especially by noobs.

"Uh-huh. And your clothes are broken because your hood is red." Joker said sarcastically, beginning the run through the relay.

"I'm serious. It could be a- Oof!" Kasumi began, only to be interrupted by a drunken crewman slamming into her with slurred apologies before going back to the CIC. "How many crewmen do you think are drunk at this point?" Kasumi queried, their bickering forgotten.

"At this point, it's a matter of who isn't drunk." Joker said, right as the familiar lurching feeling of traveling billions of light years in seconds in his gut. "Just in time, too."

MEMEMEMEMEME

"_Ladies, gents, and otherwise, we have arrived at planet Virmire. Thank you for flying Alliance."_

Joker's voice broke into the somewhat clamorous cooking going on in the mess hall, with Shepard at the helm of the stove.

"I honestly did not know you cooked." Ashley said from her seat at the mess table, her head resting casually on her hand.

"I find it's far more appealing than what Rupert cooks up. And it looks like we're here. Right on time." Shepard remarked, taking the lid off of one of the pots and turning off the stove.

"Voila. It is done." He said as he poured two mess bowls with what had been in the pot.

"I guess good grub really can come in space." Ashley commented, eyeing the tasty looking stew in front of her. "My compliments to the chef." She said to Shepard, leaning across the table.

"Just a little bit of paradise."

**Author's Note: **Yes, I know there is no sparring room on the Normandy. But hey, I don't think there are enough beds for the crew, either. And Zaeed has finally made an entrance. I'm trying to keep the viewpoint focused on who is most relevant/convenient, but if you want to see more of a certain character, feel free to let me know. And once again I must ask you to send me a PM/comment on whether you think I should include the Lair of the Shadowbroker in this story. Thanks a bunch!

-The Amazing Soup


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: **It has been a ridiculously long time, my readers. Illness, separation, and mountains of work have kept me from writing. But I'm back, and with another chapter! :D I'm trying to point this in the right direction, and I decided to not include Lair of the Shadowbroker, and will not include it unless it is specifically asked for. Now on to the story.

Mass Effect and its characters are owned by EA/Bioware.

Leave Chapter 8:

It was just like they had remembered. The beaches, the gentle surf, the warmth. The picture was even completed by the smells of smoke and death.

"Hey, if I knew this was a combat zone, I wouldn't have brought us here." Shepard replied earnestly, gritting his teeth as his Revenant spat lethal lead at the Geth forms hunkered down by a series of palm trees.

"Are you kidding? This is great! Wasting gear-heads is my favorite pastime, in case you forgot, Commander." Ashley replied, ripping apart a Geth's head with her Vindicator battle rifle. The machine gave a sputter as light and white fluid poured out of its "head".

"Sniper! Get down!" Thane yelled from his position behind Shepard, using him as mobile cover. His black eyes were glaring through the scope, and he felt the bullet hit home as his Mantis bucked against his shoulder and he saw the red machine drop.

"I love this planet already!" Grunt yelled with a feral laugh, ripping the arm off of a squirming Geth form. Shepard looked at him anxiously.

"Why are these things even here? We wiped out Saren's base over two years ago, and there are still Geth? This doesn't make any sense." Tali said, confused, as she crouched behind a rock nearby Shepard, slugs chipping off pieces of rock above her head.

The Geth seemed to go on for miles. Sniper towers littered the beach adjacent to the team's landing zone. The combined might of the group tore through the Geth, and they had been at it for almost an hour now; Jacob was in cover behind a massive mound of the dead synthetics.

"I enjoy killing things as much as the next person, but I thought this was a break in the injuries and fighting!" Miranda yelled from her position next to Jacob, slightly ahead of the rest of Shepard's squad. "Not to mention we don't have any armor!" Miranda said as a bullet narrowly missed her shoulder, singing the fabric of her white T-shirt.

She was right. The only one who had any armor on whatsoever was Grunt, and that was because- well, because he was Grunt. They had barely managed to procure weapons from Shepard's portable armory for "emergencies".

"You know what? Let's see what we can do about this." Shepard proclaimed, turning his head to where Legion stood, his eye staring intently down the scope of his Widow Anti-Material Rifle. "Hey Legion! Think you could do something about their targeting, or processing? Or even, I don't know, talk to them?"

Legion looked back at Shepard, his left faceplate rising slightly.

"Yes."

MEMEMEMEMEME

"This is ludicrous."

"This is amazing."

"I'm not saying it isn't, but this is totally unbelievable." Shepard replied from his supine position, his arms behind his head. He pushed his sunglasses up onto his head, looking at Ashley, who was laying on the beach next to him.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" Ashley asked, looking from Shepard to the tip of her nose. He quietly scolded himself. He had a terrible habit of staring at others when his mind wandered off. He chuckled.

"No." He replied simply, lifting her face up towards his. He kissed her. The kiss deepened, and she brought her hand to rest behind his head, holding him close.

"Shepard-master. We have your margarita." The Geth Prime tapped the Commander's shoulder, interrupting the couple's brief moment of passion. Shepard cleared his throat.

"Thanks, four-oh." Shepard said awkwardly to the Geth as he picked the drink out of its hand. Ashley just looked over the horizon, breathing out deeply. "I'm telling you; it's not right. After months of fighting those things, I can't believe the only ones left are non-hostile or making my drinks." Shepard said drily, taking a sip of his margarita.

"'_He that does good for good's sake seeks neither paradise nor reward, but he is sure of both in the end_'". Ashley said, looking at Shepard. "And from all the time I've spent with you, it seems to me like that's you in a nutshell. Well, and sexy. And brave. And _really _good at what you do." She said, her face inching closer to his again.

The sun began to set on paradise, silhouetting the pair on the sand beneath them.

MEMEMEMEMEME

"God'am wonderful. I haven't been out fishing in over fifty years. Now keep in mind that this was long before those god'amn Turians -" Zaeed's old brogue drifted across the thoroughfares of Kasumi's mind as she watched the sun set beautifully in her Citadel-style bathing suit that she grabbed from some well-to-dos on the space station.

"Pretty amazing isn't it? It reminds me of the first time I flew off of earth. That was a long time ago." Joker said wistfully, limping up to the Thief's side, his mechanical leg braces whirring quietly. He quietly struggled to sit down, careful to not snap any bones.

"Yes. It is." Kasumi replied tersely. She knew he meant well, but that damned pilot needed to learn when to let her alone.

"Where did you grow up?" He asked, trying to peek around her icy shield. She didn't respond. Joker got the hint then.

"Sorry. I'll just… Leave you alone… Then." Joker said awkwardly, standing back up, the creaking of his bones evident. He walked past Zaeed again, who was still in the thick of his fishing story. As he left earshot, he muttered to himself.

"Kasumi—1, Joker—zip." He made his slow way back to the pseudo-base camp the group had set up. There were honest-to-God tents, not those portable mini-structures normal people brought to places like this. The crewmen were already well into their drinking, downing bottle after bottle of assorted liquors.

"What the hell… I could use a good time." Joker said to himself, and began smiling as he walked towards the group.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Jack continued to hold her breath, stalking her prey. It slipped between a series of rocks, and she followed swiftly, peeking inside. The cheeky bastard was staring right at her, laughing at her inability to catch it. Jack narrowed her eyes, sending daggers at it. Then she just pulled it out of its hidey-hole with her biotics.

_That's what you get for laughing at me, you dumb fish._ Jack thought venomously at it. She swam back to the surface, bringing the almost twenty-foot long shark out of the water. She calmly swam back to shore, plopping the fish on the sand by her fire. She quickly snapped the creature's neck with her biotics, and pulled out her carving knife.

She worked tirelessly for about twenty minutes, dressing the corpse. When she was finally done, she shoved bits of its flesh on a sharpened stick she had fashioned. She let it cook over the fire, searing nicely. When she was done the sun had set, and she ate in darkness, with the distant sound of drunken crewmen in her ears.

What a great day.

MEMEMEMEMEME

"You see, Miranda? This is the kinda thing that freaks me out. Those goddamn machines serving us, you know? It's just like the Quarians! They're gonna turn on us, and then we'll be a big-ass red smear on the sand, you know?" Jacob slurred to Miranda. The couple was sitting on the beach, watching the Geth serve more alcohol to the crew. Miranda rolled her eyes, not nearly as drunk as Jacob.

"Please, Jacob. Legion is controlling them. And he is _far _from hostile." She replied, shrugging.

"But, Miranda—just look at it like this…" And Jacob delved into his complex explanation, which involved many odd hand motions. When he was done, he a drag from his beer. Explaining a robotic apocalypse was thirsty work. Miranda scowled.

"I know you're not the brightest Jacob, but that's one of the things I love about you." She said sweetly, leaning over to kiss him. She looked up at the moons, now evident at this hour. One was full, and another just a sliver.

"Pretty amazing, huh? I grew up on stations, so I never really got to see many moons like this." Shepard commented from his place, leaning on the rock face by where Miranda and Jacob sat.

"Jesus Christ!" Miranda yelled, jumping into the air at the sound of his voice. "When the hell did you get here?" She demanded, still reeling from the shock of his presence.

"Oh, just a few seconds. Ash needed to pick up a few things. By the way, would you mind watching all these hooligans? I'll be away for… A few days." Shepard stated vaguely, checking his watch. As Ashley approached, he stood up straight, picking up his duffel bag and falling into step with her as she walked around Miranda's little alcove. Miranda looked over to Jacob, who was looking into hi bottle intently.

"I wonder why they have thoss lil' numbers…" Jacob slurred absentmindedly. Miranda merely sighed. Here she goes again.

MEMEMEMEMEME

"HAHAHA! You can't even handle one glass! Pathetic!" Grunt roared at the crewman who attempted to take a shot of Ryncol. Now he was on his knees, puking his guts out, much to the others' amusement. Joker was next, stepping to the center of the crewmen, who were half-laying down—each with a drink in hand.

"Alright. Let's do this." He said as he picked the neon green drink off of the table. He eyed it hesitantly, then sent the vile beverage down his throat. Pain erupted from his throat and eyes, but he blindly grabbed another and sent it down in search of the first. Glass after glass he swallowed, ignoring the searing pain, until finally the edges of his vision darkened and he collapsed, a small crack issuing from his knee. His gaze was directed at the night sky as his eyes failed, heard a muffled roaring around him, and finally lost consciousness.

"Damn. That's gonna be hahd to beat." Zaeed said, gaping at the multitude of empty glasses on the table. He looked back at Joker, who was laying on the ground with various crewmen and women dancing and drinking their hearts out. "You think we should call tha doctah?" He asked Thane hesitantly, who was moving lightly from foot to foot. Before the Drell could open his mouth, a wobbly figure staggered into Zaeed.

"Did someone *hic* call for the *hic* doctor?" Chakwas asked the mercenary in her distinctive accent, failing to keep her eyes looking at the burly mercenary.

"Go'damn lightweights…" Zaeed muttered, walking back to his quiet spot by the waves, away from the trailer-like encampment.

MEMEMEMEMEME

"So? A night under the stars with a fire and an actual vintage tent. Pretty amazing, huh?" Shepard more stated than asked, looking up from his supine position with his arms behind his head. Ashley was snuggled next to him, opposite the small fire.

"Yeah. I did something like this a few times with my family on Amaterasu. My sisters were crazy about burning marshmallows." She chuckled. As she settled, a sober look appeared on her face—her eyes became clouded and a slight frown curled her lips. Shepard looked to her. "What are we going to do? I know the Reapers are still a long way away, but how are we going to fight them? While we're sitting here enjoying ourselves, our impending doom is getting closer and closer." She paused for a moment, taking a breath of the air and a look at the stars and moons.

"What are we going to do?"

**Author's Note: **Okay, so at this point, I'm kinda running out of ideas. If you'd give me some feedback on what you like in the story or what you'd like to see, I'll be sure to include at least part of it. Keep Leave alive! :D Until next time, The Amazing Soup.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: **It has been far too long, ladies and gents, but I've been very sick and overwhelmed with my schoolwork. However, I have to give a huge shout-out to everyone who offered ideas for the story, especially Madman123456 and Half-Dragon Hero. You're wonderful. ;D Thanks for the help all, and here's another chapter. Enjoy. :D

Leave Chapter 9: Backhand

As the morning sun just began peeking over the horizon of the beach-planet of Virmire, Shepard was miles away from his tent where Ashley lay, still asleep. Every day, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't help himself from taking long runs after getting up at 0500 hours. Even on the _Normandy_, where quarters were incredibly cramped, he'd run throughout the ship while checking up on anyone who was awake. Those maintenance tunnels needed to be used for something, right?

As stretches of white sand stretched beneath his feet, Shepard encountered an anomaly. I gigantic black crater, where the sand was turned to glass, entered his vision. His heart dropped into his stomach. He knew this place—he knew it well.

"Come on, Shep, pull yourself together! You planned this, remember?" He shook himself, as he continued running towards the blight on the land. His skin tingled as he entered the blackened area. Radiation. _Looks like Cerberus built me tough._ Shepard thought to himself. As he reached the center of the black blot, he saw ruined walls of what looked like a fortress. As he ran under one, his heart dropped again. He thought he saw something from the corner of his… Nah.

Shepard slowed as he entered the detonation point. There he stopped.

"Kaiden…" He said painfully, his face contorting. "I never had a better soldier serve under me. You were an inspiring leader for the crew, an honorable man in everything you did…" Shepard stopped, remembering his time with Kaiden—all of the foolishness, but Kaiden always reeled the crew in when they got out of hand. "But also, an incredible friend—a brother in arms, never letting another take the fall. May you rest in peace, Lieutenant." Shepard finished as he lay the memorial on the ground.

It was the Alliance star, a golden color, with a picture of the admirable lieutenant in the center. As Shepard saluted it, he clenched his jaw. A single tear rolled down his cheek, not obeying the Commander's orders.

"I thought you might come back. It's been a long time, Shepard."

Shepard turned around, and his eyes widened to a dangerous degree.

"You have no idea." Shepard whispered as he walked toward the man in Onyx armor.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Joker didn't remember a sun ever being this bright. They were bright normally, but this was ridiculous. And it wouldn't get out of his face!

"The sun here seems fashionably forward." The pilot said sardonically, laying his forearm over his bleeding eyes.

"Joker-Lieutenant. We have just the thing." Legion's synthesized voice came from everywhere around him, louder than a roaring Krogan. After a series of more Geth-like sounds, something began systematically poking his shoulder.

"Hey hey hey. Fragile, okay?" Joker remarked as he tried to swat the arm away. Finally, he removed his forearm from his eyes and saw a massive Geth Prime prodding him with a massive cup of coffee. Joker instinctively shot up straight in fear and then numbly accepted the coffee.

"Th-thanks…" Joker accepted the beverage dumbfounded, and saw to his amazement that there was what resembled a massive coffee-maker sitting on the sandy beach. The odd part was that it was looking at him with its flashlight eye. Legion approached the Pilot and elaborated.

"We deemed it necessary to formulate something to ease these 'hangovers' that organics experienced. After achieving consensus, we re-purposed that platform into what humans call a 'coffeemaker'."

Joker simply stared at the robot for several seconds, then dismissed it with a nod. He took a swig of the dark brew. It was very black and incredibly strong.

"Millions of lightyears from Earth, how the hell did I get the best coffee I've tasted in my life. Let alone coffee beans…" Joker's voice trailed off as he took another sip under the searing sun. As he looked around himself, e realized that all the Geth were waking the crewmen, much to the organics' displeasure.

Finally, all of them were awake and chatting over a hot cup of Java.

MEMEMEMEMEME

"Scratch one!" The familiar phrase echoed off of the stone cliff faces around Garrus and the sharpshooters as they took shots at various items they had gathered from their surroundings. Garrus popped the heat sink from his Incisor, smirking at the incredible shot. The target had been almost one thousand meters away, but all three slugs managed to bore their way through the bullseye.

"Excellent shot, Garrus!" Tali exclaimed, cheering him on from the sideline. The turian blushed, although no one else could tell. Thane's expression remained the same.

"My turn." Thane remarked blandly with the usual croak. As he shouldered his Mantis rifle, he made a sharp intake of breath. Old memories surfaced—_Blood, pain. The merc looks at me from behind his yellow helmet, a bright mask for his soul. The merc prepares to finish me off. My eyes widen, preparing for the end. The faceless murderer jerks back once, twice, thrice. Blood spouts from his neck. He falls. Shepard approaches me, omnitool aglow. "Let me patch that up" he announces through a wall of cotton. My vision darkens, then lights up again. The pain is gone. Shepard's arm is on my shoulder, a concerned look upon his countenance. "You okay?" he asks. I nod._

The world rushed back to Thane, he exhales and fires, not even looking at his target, his mind on the shoulder that had just been shot moments, no, weeks ago. Clapping and cheering surround the Drell as he notices the perfect shot at the target one thousand, one hundred meters away.

"Yeah, well…" Garrus mumbled, seeing Thane's rigid body un-stiffen after the shot. "Who's next? I bet that's the best shot one of us is going to get." Garrus called out to the crew, arms spread.

Silently, Legion stepped out from the crowd, his red eye glowing bright.

"We will accept that challenge. Set the target at three thousand and twenty four point eight one meters." As the synthetic voiced its goal, it pulled and unfolded the specially-made Widow Anti-Material Rifle from its place on its humped back.

"Three—Three thousand?" Garrus shouted incredulously. "Did you just pull that number out of your hat?" The turian asked of Legion.

"Negative. That is the maximum effective range for our rifle. We set high goals." Legion stated, with almost a hint of smugness. Thane merely looked at the robot dispassionately.

Legion shouldered the weighty rifle, not bringing it up to his eye. His arms moved it very slightly in several directions, before seemingly locking the rifle in place. A massive bang rang out, and everyone in the crowd shielded their eyes, trying to see the target.

"You gotta be god'amn kiddin' me! 'Ow the hell am I supposed to beat that?" Zaeed shouted angrily, throwing his arms up in the air.

"We aim to please." Legion said to Garrus, who was dumbfounded.

Jacob facepalmed from next to Garrus.

MEMEMEMEMEME

"I thought you were dead, Shepard."

"Look who's talking. How'd you do it?"

"You could say an old friend of yours helped me out."

"Oh yeah? And who's that, Alenko?"

"The Illusive Man." Kaiden said darkly. He was in his old Onyx armor with his arms crossed, looking directly at Shepard.

"Oh shit." Shepard replied, aghast.

"That's why I came here—I need your help, Commander." The once-dead lieutenant said uneasily. He rubbed the back of his neck—a sign Sheppard recognized instantly as one of nervousness and anxiety.

"What happened? What do need, Kaiden?" Shepard asked sincerely, gesturing with his hand.

"I… I have some things that I buried that keep coming back." Kaiden continued, staring at a spot in the ground.

"Oh yeah?"

"The Shadowbroker. I got a lot of info on you from him. I owe him a lot, if you know what I mean."

"Jesus Christ. Not you too!" Shepard groaned. Kaiden gave him a confused look. "Liara's in the same boat. She's trying to track him down. Looks like it'll actually be a priority now. I just need to let the crew know…" Shepard trailed off. Then an evil smile alighted on his face.

"Oh yeah. Wait until Ash hears you were jerking her around for two years. If her reaction to me was any indicator, you might want to wear a helmet." Shepard said seriously. Kaiden gulped.

MEMEMEMEMEME

Jack noticed the crowd around all those pansies with sniper rifles and rolled her eyes. It didn't take any guts whatsoever to shot someone in the head without even being able to see the spatter. It took _real _nerve to shoot someone in the face when you can see the whites of their eyes and watch the blood expand like a fast motion of a drop of ink in water.

"Yeah. I like that…" Jack said to herself, smiling as she dragged the remnants of a massive shark behind her to the "camp grounds". She went into one of the tents and came out quickly, cursing like a sailor.

"Find another tent… Jesus Christ, why did you have to use my goddamn tent?" She screamed back at Miranda, naked and curled up in Jack's tent. She waved it off with her hand.

Suddenly, a high-pitched wail wafted through the air. Jack froze.

"What the hell was that?"

The source became evident however, when an even higher-pitched furious yelling echoed after the wail, practically shaking the rock faces. Jack looked over and saw all the once-cheering spectators were now totally silent and ghostly paled. Apparently they were scared shitless too. Jack approached them.

"Poor guy. I wonder what he did now." Jacob wondered out loud.

"Yeah. I'd hate to see a repeat of Horizon happen to Shep again." Kasumi stated sadly.

"That wasn't Shepard." Garrus interrupted quietly. No one paid him any heed, and just continued gossiping.

"Who knows what she'll do to him next? Although, she can't really walk away, considering she's on a planet in the Terminus Systems with no way off." Kasumi added thoughtfully.

"That wasn't Shepard." Garrus repeated himself, louder this time.

"Although-" Jacob began, but was interrupted by Tali.

"That wasn't Shepard!" She screamed into the air, as everyone practically snapped their necks to look at her. She sighed forcefully, then elaborated.

"Garrus and I have spent enough time fighting with the Commander to know that he doesn't scream like that." Tali said softly.

"If it wasn't Shepard, then who was it…?" Samara queried thoughtfully.

The group shrugged, as two figures rounded an embankment to their right, a third hanging between them. It was Shepard and Ashley, of course, with an unconscious figure between them, his face bleeding profusely. Ashley seemed to be on a warpath; her eyes were slits and her left fist balled. Garrus whimpered. He had _never _seen Chief Williams this angry before—not even on Horizon.

"Uhm, Shepard? Who is that?" Thane asked, despite the Commander's many swift, wide-eyed hand motions.

"This son of a bitch…" Ashley began, her voice venomous, "Is Lieutenant Kaiden Alenko."

**Author's Note: **HOHOHO! I bet you didn't see that one coming! ;D And no, I didn't say "Hohoho" because I didn't manage to do a Holiday chapter. ANYWAYS, what do you think? I even managed to sneak a tie-in to Lair of the Shadowbroker with this chapter. Pretty sneaky, if I do say so myself. ;D If you have any ideas, suggestions, or just want to tell me what you liked, leave a comment. They really do help a lot. Until next time, The Amzing Soup. :D


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note:** So I see many of you are probably confused as to how Kaiden got resurrected from being dust on the wind. Don't worry, all will be answered. ;D Also, I have been inspired by Half-Dragon Hero's idea for a top-hat, and I'll see if I can't incorporate it as best as I can.

Leave Chapter 10: Rising From the Ashes

"How did you come back from being molecular dust again…?" Garrus asked of the Lieutenant curiously in the mess hall. The crew were gathered together and ordered back onto the _Normandy_ for another mission, as per Shepard's orders.

"What makes you say I died at all, Garrus?" Kaiden inquired back at the turian. Garrus looked confused and taken aback. Kaiden sighed.

"Fine. I'll explain fully what happened." The Lieutenant began, lacing his fingers together on the table.

"As I saw the _Normandy _fly away, the bomb with only seconds left before I was dust, another ship came, and split the air with its speed. It was huge. I have no idea how it landed. But then I was pulled up towards it. I have no idea how. The next thing I knew, I was onboard the ship. I was latched into my seat, with some kind of mercs with black and white armor guarding me. For the longest time—days, weeks—the said nothing to me. The only nutrients I got were through an IV." Kaiden stopped, his eyebrows scrunched up. Garrus, Shepard, Ashley, and Joker leaned forward intently.

"Then I blacked, and woke up in the slums of Omega. I remember being questioned by some alien on the ship, but I guess I was discarded when I was of no further use.

"Turns out, it had been almost a whole year. The news was still big on your death, Shepard. Anyways, I knew I had to get back at whoever had me, and I had a hunch Liara might. I had a solid trail on her, when I was ambushed by some cronies in black and white. Naturally, I thought they were the same guys that captured me. But they were Cerberus." Kaiden stopped, looking intensely into Shepard's eyes.

"I talked with the Illusive Man. He told me that it was the Shadowbroker that kidnapped me, then he set me out on a mission. Now, before you get the wrong idea, I was forced. He planted charges in my nervous system when his people gave me a new Amp."

At this, Ashley gasped, Shepard's gaze hardened, Garrus looked shocked, and Joker shouted an expletive.

"What was the mission?" Shepard asked, his mouth becoming a hard line.

"To find you." Kaiden said simply, pointing directly at Shepard. "Which I did, of course. Took me long enough- although, I did make several stops along the way." When Kaiden said 'stops', he grimaced and twitched his neck to the side, cracking it.

"I have some debts to repay, and I'll need your help, Shepard. There are many now who are gunning for me, and I need to take care of them." Kaiden said darkly.

"Jesus Christ… What happened to you, Alenko?" Shepard asked, his eyes searching the lieutenant.

"I woke the hell up to what was happening around me. I only wish more people in the damned galaxy would too." Kaiden replied, standing up. "I'll bunk with the crew." He added quietly, walking towards the Crew Quarters.

"And here I thought we had enough angst and frustration going on around here." Joker said sarcastically, which warranted a withering gaze from Ashley.

MEMEMEMEMEME

"Shepard. I know we are not on the best of terms after what we said, but I heard your friend Doctor T'Soni is looking for information on the Shadowbroker. As a token of good faith I have forwarded some classified intel on him to your private terminal. Just keep that in mind the next time I come asking for _your _help."

Shepard grimaced at the oily voice of the Illusive Man coming from his private terminal. The cheeky bastard was just trying to line up favors and glibly step past what he did to Shepard and what he would have done had he had his way with the Collector base.

He resisted the urge to spit as he stepped into the elevator in his cabin. He had some business to attend to.

MEMEMEMEMEME

"All right, so I received some information on the Shadowbroker. I don't have much, but Liara should have gathered enough intel by now to help us the rest of the way." Shepard explained to the crew, datapad in hand. He had called the crew to meet in the Comm room, and was briefing them on the plan of action.

"Let me get this straight." Jack said loudly. "We're chasing after this punk-ass broker because your friends are whiny bitches?" She practically shouted. Ashley and Kaiden gave her gazes that would melt steel.

"Hey. Let's settle down." Jacob said sternly from his position next to Shepard. "If Lieutenant Alenko is to be believed, which I'm sure he is, we need to find an agent of the Broker that calls himself the Organizer. Am I close, Lieutenant?" Jacob asked, sympathizing with the Alliance operative.

"Yes. He was the one that gave me the information on where Shepard might have been. In exchange, I was to take Shepard, or whatever I found of him, back." Kaiden replied, leaning against the table.

The crew seemed to be suspicious of Kaiden. Shepard certainly still was. Their attitudes showed it. Their normal, pseudo-chipper dispositions on the universe seemed to blacken when the man with the dark past came aboard. Joker was just pissed he didn't get more vacation.

"So why did you go to the Illusive Man? What did you get from him? Your story sounds rather suspect, Mr. Alenko." Miranda broke the momentary fog of silence with her accented voice.

"I did what I needed to do—what I _wanted_ to do. Help Shepard fight the Reapers. Isn't that why Ashley, Tali, Joker and Garrus joined his crew?" Kaiden asked, as the members in question blushed furiously, though no one could tell with Tali, Garrus, or Joker. Kaiden was dumbstruck.

"You mean all this time you didn't come to help him, Ash? Don't you remember my last transmission to you?" Kaiden asked incredulously. Shepard's eyebrow quirked in curiosity, and Ashley merely turned a darker red.

"Y-Yes, sir."

"What did it say, Chief?" Alenko's voice took on the tone of a commanding officer once again, slipping back into his niche.

Ashley whispered something that wasn't even intelligible—so quiet was her voice.

"I said, what did it say, Gunnery Chief?" Kaiden shouted suddenly like a drill sergeant, startling everyone in the room. Ashley took a gulp before shouting back.

"Permission to fuck Shepard's brains out before we both exploded, sir!" At that, she stared intently at the ground, her face flaming.

The room was dead silent. Then Shepard began to chuckle. Soon it became a full-blown laugh, as the others joined in. Eventually even Ashley contributed a quiet, squeaky, nervous laugh to the mix.

And for that moment, all was well in the _Normandy_ and the galaxy.

MEMEMEMEMEME

"And here I thought I had my share of Omega for this year." Garrus said glumly as he, Kaiden, Shepard, Ashley, and Thane walked through the infamous city's slums.

"Look on the bright side—if anyone tries to jump us, I can put more holes into them than a pack of swiss cheese." Ashley said sweetly. She was still very happy about receiving her new supped-up Phoenix armor and a duplicate of Shepard's Revenant Machine Gun.

"Shepard? Is your mate always so intimidating?" Thane whispered to the Commander nervously, critically eying the huge, almost insane grin on Ashley's face. Shepard laughed.

"Don't worry, Thane. She wouldn't hurt a fly." Shepard said jokingly, lying through his teeth. Thane didn't need to know that Ashley had almost killed a crewman on the original _Normandy_ during sparring.

"Okay. So the Organizer told me to meet him in a private booth in the Afterlife club, with what I had of you on me. I said I'd bring a few associates to help tackle you, so that will explain the others' presence. We're getting close. Are you ready?" Kaiden said to Shepard as they walked, Shepard in his battered Cerberus uniform and the others in full combat gear.

"Let's do this." Shepard affirmed, nodding solemnly.

As they made their way into the Afterlife Club, the dull throbs emanating from the club became a massive, pulsating blanket of noise that assaulted the team's ears.

"We just have to kill him, right?" Garrus questioned, scanning the crowds anxiously. Kaiden nodded, then pointed out the booth right underneath one of the "dancer's" poles.

"He should be in there. He'll definitely be armed, with possible guards. If we can, I'd like to get this done as quickly as possible and get some payback." The Lieutenant said calmly, cracking his neck audibly. Shepard gave him a quick affirmative, then gestured for Thane to take up a sniping position in the shadows.

MEMEMEMEMEME

The four entered the booth door, passing in front of Thane's crosshairs. He had been in this position more times than he could count. Actually, that wasn't true. This was the two hundred and thirty-fifth time. And he remembered each occurrence. He stopped sifting through the memories and watched through his scope. All he could see was Kaiden feigning obedience as he handed over Shepard to someone out of the drell's view. Then the doors closed, and Thane had nothing more to see.

Several moments later, the doors opened again, and a barrage of gunfire flew out in all directions, and a frantic Garrus and Alenko rushing out for cover. Thane swore. He could only see two from his vantage point, and he did not want to scare them into more dug in positions. All he could do was wait.

**Author's Note:** I guess that's all you can do too! :D I'm sorry this took longer than normal, but I tried my best to spell/grammar check along the way, as some of you mentioned. This chapter is a little thinner than most, but I wanted to get out Kaiden's story, as many of you have been complaining about lack of immersion. Psh… Bringing back ashes… And sorry if the story is getting darker, but I think it reflects the trouble that Kaiden is bringing with him. Until next time, The Amazing Soup.


End file.
